The Pieces Of His Mind
by Number1tenthd.rfan
Summary: When the Doctor is burden with nightmares and displaying dangerous behavior, it's up to Rose, Mickey and Captain Jack to save him before it's too late. (Warning: Contains some self harm, some violence and could be depressing at times, sorry) (Content may change.) Hope you like it! (Rated M because it's safer)
1. Chapter 1

"No, no!" The Doctor screamed.

Rose could hear him from her room and she immediately rushed to his side. "Doctor, Doctor wake up!"

"I did my duty! I did my duty!" He continued to yell.

Rose continued to shake him until he woke up.

The Doctor looked up at her. "Rose." He said with relief.

The Doctor laid back on his pillow. "I'm sorry." He said.

"It's alright, Doctor." She said kissing his sweaty forehead.

He sat up and began to compose himself.

"Doctor what's going you've been having nightmares about the Time War every night, why?" Rose asked concerned.

He just shook his head. "It's nothing, I'm fine." The Doctor answered quickly.

"You've also been acting strange, I'm scared for you." She admitted softly.

"I'm fine, really." He smiled stroking her blond hair.

"Are you sure?" She said.

He nodded. "Yeah, in fact let me go shower and we'll go somewhere, you pick."

She hesitated but he wrapped his arms around her shoulders to reassure her.

"Come on, Rosy; what do you say?" He asked kissing her neck.

Rose groaned. "I say you don't play fair. Okay." She conceded.

"Good, I'll be ready in a few minutes." He said.

She smiled at him and left his room.

The Doctor sighed. "Greatest performance of my life." He thought burying his face in his hands.

He hated keeping things from Rose, she deserved better than that.

The Doctor had recently been plagued with nightmares about the war and he was slowly feeling like he was going to break.

He couldn't figure out why after over 900 hundred years everything was effecting him so badly, especially now.

"Maybe a shower will help me feel better." He thought.

He turned on the water and stepped inside but he had only been in a few minutes when he started to clutch his ears and screamed the water pressure sounded like bombs.

Rose heard him and ran to the bathroom.

"Doctor?" She yelled bursting in.

The Doctor was crouched down with his hands covering his ears.

"Make it stop!" He shouted desperately.

Rose quickly shut off the water, the Doctor's breathing was heavy.

She tried to touch him but he moved away from her.

"Get away from me!" He yelled.

He then stomped out of the bathroom naked and headed to the console and pounded on the controls.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"I hate this damn thing!" He shouted.

"You hate the TARDIS?" Rose said puzzled.

He didn't answer; he just stared hard at it like it was his worst enemy.

"You couldn't save anyone else; it had to be me. Why didn't you let me die with the rest?" The Doctor screamed slamming his hands down.

Worried she tried to touch his shoulder but that only made him angrier. "I said don't touch me, you can't touch me you are not my wife!"

His words hurt but she knew this was not him talking, something was deeply wrong.

"I'm sorry." She said backing away.

"You're always sorry, I'm always sorry! Sorry is a useless word, it does nothing!" The Doctor shouted at Rose.

His eyes burned into her making Rose very scared but then his expression changed from anger to fear.

"R-Rose help me." The Doctor wept before crumbling to the floor, unconscious.

She held him in her arms and cried. "I'll help you, baby. I promise."

But she knew she couldn't do it alone.

Rose reached for her cell phone and dialed Captain Jack's number.

As soon as he picked up she said with panic in her voice. "Jack, I-I need you and M-Mickey to meet me in the TARDIS, I t-think the Doctor is having a nervous b-break down."


	2. Chapter 2

Rose sat on the Doctor's bed and watched him; he had calmed down some and was allowing her to rub his back which was an improvement from earlier.

She sighed as she waited for Jack and Mickey to show up.

She urged them to come by vortex manipulators because there was no time to waste.

A few minutes later Rose heard a zapping sound, she snuck out of the Doctor's room and was relieved to see Mickey and Captain Jack standing there.

"Oh, I'm so glad to see you two." She said hugging them both.

"Well, you sounded pretty upset on the phone." Jack replied.

Mickey glanced around. "Where's the Doctor, now?" He asked.

Rose pointed to the bedroom.

"He's resting right now, I think." She said biting her lip nervously.

"What exactly happened?" Mickey asked.

Rose shrugged. "I'm not sure, he told me he was fine then he went to take a shower and started screaming then marched in here and pounded on the console shouting he hated the TARDIS.

She paused for a second before continuing.

"Then-then he collapsed on the floor begging for help." Rose said wiping her eyes.

"That does sound pretty bad but that doesn't mean it's a breakdown." Jack replied.

Mickey shook his head.

"I don't know, Jack that doesn't sound like the Doctor I know." He said.

Jack didn't want to believe the Doctor was having a breakdown, it didn't make sense.

"Okay let me go in there and see if I can talk to him before we jumped to conclusions." Jack suggested.

"Go easy on him, he's still fragile." Rose warned.

He nodded and went to see the Doctor.

Jack lightly tapped on the door.

"Doctor?" He said.

He cracked the door slightly and peaked inside.

"Are you decent Doctor?" Jack asked poking his head inside.

When he saw the Doctor was dressed in his brown suit he slowly walked in.

The Doctor was lying on his side with his back turned towards Jack.

"Uh, hi Doctor." He said.

The Doctor didn't answer instead he sat up and was now sitting on the edge of the bed with his shoulders slumped.

"Me and Mickey thought we'd stop by to say hi." Jack said nervously.

"Bull shit." He muttered.

Jack was surprised by his response.

"Okay, actually we were worried about you so-." He started to say but the Doctor stopped him.

"I know why you're here, Jack." He replied glaring at him.

Jack closed his eyes in regret, remembering the Doctor had Time Lord hearing.

The Doctor stood and scowled at him.

"Yes and for your information I'm fine!" He snapped.

He started coming towards him.

"L-look we were only t-trying to help, honest." Jack insisted backing away.

He wasn't listening. "I'm fine!, I'm fine!" The Doctor screamed.

"Doctor, calm down." He urged.

The Doctor was enraged until he glanced over Jack's shoulder and screamed.

"What is it Doctor?" He asked stepping a little closer to him.

"Adric, Adric!" The Doctor cried falling to floor and scooting away.

Jack looked behind him but couldn't see anything.

But the Doctor was convinced his deceased young companion was standing there with cold and accusing eyes.

"Adric don't look at me like that! I swear I tried to save you, I tried to save you all and I failed! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"

He began hitting the floor repeatedly with his fist.

Jack tried to go near him but the Doctor freaked and ran into the bathroom, locking the door.

Jack started shoving the door with his shoulder but it wasn't working.

"Mickey, Rose in here now!" He shouted.

They both quickly ran inside.

"What's going on?" Mickey asked worried.

"The Doctor's locked himself inside, help me open the door." He said urgently.

They started shoving and banging on the door, begging the Doctor to open it.

The Doctor couldn't hear them he was shielding his ears from the noise, it sounded like gun fire and bombs going off inside his head.

"No more, no more!" He shouted.

The Doctor searched desperately around for something, anything to make the noise stop.

Opening drawers and cabinets his frustrations was growing until he spotted the razor on the counter.

Tears spilled down his face as he studied it.

Looking up at the ceiling he sobbed. "I-I'm sorry I failed you all."

He wept and held his breath, taking the sharp blade and slicing his wrists.

He screamed in agony as the blood ran down his hands dripping onto the floor.

The Doctor finally struggled out the words"Help me" before losing consciences.

"We almost got it, people!" Jack shouted.

"On my count, one, two, three!" He yelled before busting the door open.

They immediately spotted the Doctor bleeding on the floor.

"Doctor!" Rose screamed.

"Rose get out of here, Mickey get some fabric, now!" Jack ordered.

Mickey got Rose out of the room then tore some of his shirt and helped wrap the Doctor's limp and bleeding wrists.

"That'll have to do for now." Jack said.

They carried the Doctor onto the bed before letting Rose back in.

She was pretty shaken but she still wanted to lie beside him.

"Oh, Doctor why baby, why?" Rose wept, kissing his cheek.

Mickey and Jack just stood there silent unsure of what to say.

They couldn't believe what just happened but they were determined to help their friend.

"We'll help him, Rose." Mickey promised.

She looked at them both and said. "Please help him."

"We will." Jack replied.

Rose smiled sadly at them.

The Doctor stirred a little and she gently nuzzled his neck, her tears staining his collar.


	3. Chapter 3

The Doctor had fallen asleep again allowing Jack to rewrap his wrists with medical bandages.

Mickey and Rose were at the console too stunned to speak.

Mickey was still shaking; he had never seen anything like that.

The bits of fabric he held in his hand still had traces of the Doctor's blood.

"I can't believe my best friend just slashed his wrists." Mickey said staring at the bloody torn strips of fabric.

Rose sat beside him. "I knew he was messed up but I didn't think he'd…" She was too shocked to say it.

Mickey put his arm around her, he could feel Rose trembling.

Jack slowly walked in looking pale. "Well, the cuts are pretty deep but I think we got to him just in time."

Sitting down he looked over at Rose. "How long has he been like this?"

She shrugged. "I don't know it just kind of started."

Mickey tuck his knees under his chin. "What's his behavior been like?"

Rose sighed. "First he was displaying some paranoia, he became very cautious, always glancing behind his shoulder then the nightmares started."

"Nightmares?" Jack asked.

She nodded. "He'd start screaming in terror until I come and wake him. Next he started having these scary outbursts."

Rose wiped her eyes."I really thought it would past but he started hallucinating and the tiniest sound kept reminding him of bombs."

"What's he's having nightmares about?" Mickey asked.

"My guess is the Doctor's dreaming about the Time War." Rose sniffed.

Mickey shook his head. "I can't believe we're having this discussion. This is so unreal; this is not the same Doctor I remember. He is the strongest person I know; this shouldn't be happening."

"Well, maybe that's the problem, Mickey. Maybe he's trying too hard to be strong." Rose replied.

Just then they heard banging against the door and the Doctor shouting. "I can hear you out there! Let me out you bastards! Let me out now!"

Rose covered her face with her hands. "I can't do it. I can't face this now."

Mickey motioned for Jack to go check on him.

Jack sighed. "I'll go, you two stay here."

He carefully approached the door but was unable to open it because of the constant pounding.

"Let me the fuck out!" The Doctor screamed. "Damn it let me out, now!" He yelled beating the door.

The pounding was becoming more desperate and violent.

Jack knew there was only one way to get him to stop but he wasn't thrilled about it.

He managed to locate the spot where the banging was; swallowing he muttered under his breath. "Sorry about this old friend."

Jack pulled out a tranquilizer device and shot thru the door.

The banging stopped and everything became quiet, he opened the door and the Doctor fell out unconscious.

Carefully turning him over Jack felt sick when he saw the spots of blood on his forehead.

He realized the banging was from the Doctor hitting his head on the door.

Jack sighed, he had enough of his friend trying to harm himself; he had to do something now.

He scooped the Doctor up in his arms and carried him to the bed.

Jack searched his coat pocket and pulled out a two sets of handcuffs.

He looked down at his troubled friend and shook his head.

"Sorry about this Doctor but it's for your own good." He said cuffing his wrists and ankles to the bed post.

After the Doctor was secured to the bed Jack left the room hating himself for what he did.

He returned to the console and saw Mickey and Rose looking worried.

"What happened, how did you get him to stop?" Rose asked.

"I used a tranquilizer device to calm him down and handcuffed him to the bed." He mumbled.

"You what?" Rose shouted.

"I had to restrain him!" Jack protested.

"He's not an animal, Jack!" Mickey scolded.

"He was beating his brains out on the damn door! What the hell was I supposed to do?" He yelled.

Rose and Mickey didn't know how to respond.

"This is going to get worse before it gets better, isn't it?" Rose asked holding herself.

Mickey shook his head. "I don't know. We can't send him to a hospital, they'll dissect him."

"So there's really nothing we can do, is there?" She said.

"No, we can do this. We can help him." Jack insisted.

"How, we don't even know anything about nervous breakdowns." Mickey said.

"I don't believe this is a breakdown." Jack replied.

"How do you figure that?" He asked.

"Think about it he's over 900 years old. That's 900 years of Lord knows what and now all of a sudden he's having a breakdown? If he were having one he would've had one a long time ago." Jack pointed out.

Rose glanced at Mickey and shrugged. "I guess." She said.

"Something else is going on with him and we need to find out what it is or… or the Doctor will die." Jack managed to say.


	4. Chapter 4

The Doctor was in a restless sleep, any familiar voices there were merely faint echoes.

In his troubled mind he was walking thru a war-torn Galifrey.

Bodies lying on the streets; Galifreyans and Daleks alike were discarded as painful reminders of what he had done.

His legs were shaking as he stepped over people he once knew, faces that once smiled at him.

Tears streamed down his face with every accusing finger-pointing at him as the bombings were still going off.

With no mouths moving the bodies seemed be chanting "Doctor."

"Please stop!" He begged.

The Doctor couldn't stand it; he crouched down covering his ears as the bodies turned to ghosts floating around him asking him why.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He screeched, the tears running down his face.

The ghosts were coming closer and closer towards him until everything went blurry and a bony hand touched his shoulder causing him to wake up screaming.

When he woke up his breathing was heavy, he laid his head back on his sweaty pillow before realizing he was cuffed to his bed.

"Hey, what is this?" The Doctor exclaimed.

"Ah, Doctor you're up! How are you feeling?" Jack grinned walking into the bedroom.

"Jack, what the hell do you think you're doing!" He yelled.

"Sorry Doctor it was for your own good." He said.

The Doctor pulled and yanked on his handcuffs. "I'll show you what's for my own good! I'm going to kill you, you sorry piece of shit!"

"Did anyone ever tell you how beautiful you are when you're angry?" Jack remarked sarcastically.

"Very funny now would you mind telling me why are you doing this?" He demanded.

"Because I have a problem when my best friend starts harming himself so naturally I want to stop them." Jack replied.

The Doctor just glared at him as he struggled to get free.

"Let me go!" The Doctor ordered.

"I'll let you go when you feel like talking." Jack promised.

"Talk about what, false imprisonment?" He said.

Jack shook his head. "Doctor something has happened to you, you're not the same."

He scoffed at Jack.

"I'm serious, you're hurting yourself, you're having outbursts and Rose is scared she's going to lose you."

That caught the Doctor's attention. "Rose is scared?"

Jack nodded. "She's the one who called us, I'd think about this if I were you." He advised as he left.

The Doctor swallowed as he closed his eyes, Jack's words pounded in his head as he slept.

He then heard Rose's voice calling him.

His eyes slightly opened and he saw Rose's cruel image standing there, haunting him.

Her blank face stared at him.

"Doctor why are you hurting me?" She asked.

He shook his head. "I'd never hurt you, I swear!"

"You're scaring me, always scaring me." She mocked.

Tears burned his eyes as he spoke. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He screamed.

"It's your fault. You cause everything to happen." Rose pointed an accused finger at him.

"No, no I'm sorry!" The Doctor cried.

He began banging the back of his head against the bedpost.

Rose and Jack burst in after hearing his screams.

"Doctor!" Rose cried.

Jack pulled out his tranquilizer device.

"No, please Jack." Rose begged him.

Jack nodded and put the device down but held it at his side just in case.

With the Doctor still banging his head Rose laid her hand gently on his forehead and stroked his sweaty hair.

"Doctor please stop, please I need you. No more okay baby?" She said softly.

The Doctor suddenly stopped and slowly opened his eyes; he gazed up at her tear-stained smile.

"Hello." She whispered.

The Doctor struggled to speak but Rose stopped him.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm here." She said softly.

As Jack watched he felt horrible he knew he had set off the Doctor's outburst.

He didn't mean to, Jack was just frustrated but he definitely had taken the wrong approach with him.

Jack decided it was best to leave the room for a while but as he walked out the Doctor grabbed his wrist.

The Doctor looked up at him teary eyed and softly said. "I'm ready to talk."


	5. Chapter 5

The Doctor sat in a chair shaking and scared, Jack and Mickey agreed to let him go only if he promised to let them help him but he was having second thoughts.

"I-I can't do this." He said.

Jack sighed. "I know you're scared but we'll be right here."

"Yeah to restrain me." The Doctor remarked rolling his eyes.

He knelt beside him. "That's only if things get out of control. All we're going to do is put you a half sleep and you'll take us thru one of your nightmares."

The Doctor just grumbled under his breath.

"Please Doctor; we only want to help you." Mickey said.

The Doctor looked at them both and sighed. "Alright let's get this over with."

Jack had the Doctor force his body into a half sleep state which would allow him to talk and be aware as he slept.

As soon as his body went limp Mickey and Jack sat on either side of his chair.

"Okay Doctor can you hear us?" Jack asked.

"Yeah." He answered.

"Where are you now?" Jack said.

The Doctor tilted his head. "The TARDIS."

"We know that, Doctor but where are you?" He replied.

The Doctor shook his head. "No I'm in a different TARDIS. It's before I ever knew you."

"What's happening in their?" Mickey asked.

"It's dark and lonely." The Doctor said.

"Turn on the light." Jack suggested.

"I can't the TARDIS is dead." He replied is voice becoming shaky.

"Can't you open the door for some light?" Mickey said.

He shook his head and tensed his body. "No I don't want to do that."

"Why not?" Mickey replied.

The Doctor started scooting back into his seat. "They're out there."

Jack leaned closer. "Who's out there?"

He swallowed. "Death."

"What do you mean?" Jack said.

The Doctor shook his head. "All of the companions I lost;They're calling my name!" He shouted.

"Are they saying anything else?" Mickey asked.

Just then Mickey and Jack could hear the voices that Doctor was hearing.

"Doctor, You killed us! You killed us!" The voices shouted.

"What's going on?" Mickey asked panicking.

"I think when we put him in a half sleep it created a mental link with the TARDIS." Jack said.

"What the hell does that mean?" Mickey replied.

Jack swallowed. "It means the worse his dream gets the more we'll hear it."

Then the Doctor dropped to the floor in fear, sobbing.

"No I didn't kill you! I tried to save you!" The Doctor got on his knees and pleaded.

The angry voices were sounding closer and closer.

"Doctor!, Doctor!" The voices shouted.

"Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!" The Doctor screamed and attempted to stand.

Mickey and Jack quickly tried to restrain him.

They did their best to hold him down but they weren't ready for the Doctor's sudden adrenaline rush.

"For a skinny alien he sure is strong." Jack commented.

"Let go of me, you filthy humans!" He growled.

He continued kicking and yelling as they tried to restrain him but he broke free and clawed at the wall.

"I didn't do it! I didn't do it!" The Doctor sobbed and yelled.

"We need to do something he'll hurt himself!" Mickey exclaimed.

"I'll try to use the tranquilizer device." Jack said.

"No, what do you think this is Roswell!" Mickey protested as he tried to unsuccessfully hold the Doctor down.

"You got a better idea?" Jack shot back.

Mickey really didn't have a better idea but he wasn't going to let the Doctor get zapped again.

Finally Mickey grabbed a couple of belts and strapped him to the chair; he was still thrashing and kicking.

"Damn bastards, I'll bash your brains in now let me go!" The Doctor screamed.

Ignoring his threats they each got on either side of him and tried to talk to him.

"We're not giving up on you! We know the wise cracking, kind Doctor is in there somewhere." Jack said.

"I promised they would be safe, I broke my promise!" He cried.

"You need to let go, it wasn't your fault. You tried to save them." Jack said.

"I'm responsible for your safety! I want you safe!" The Doctor insisted.

Tears and sweat rolled down the Doctor's face.

"Please don't die, don't die!" The Doctor pleaded to Jack and Mickey.

Mickey couldn't stand it anymore. "Doctor wake up!" He begged.

"I feel sick! I feel so sick!" He sobbed not hearing him.

"Come on Doctor come back to us!" Jack told him.

His body jerked and he opened his eyes but the Doctor began coughing hard and rapid.

The over nine hundred years of stress and guilt was making his nausea worse, he could feel himself wanting to gag.

Fearing he would be sick Jack ordered Mickey grab a bucket for the Doctor to gag in.

The Doctor began coughing up small spurts of blood while Jack gently stroked the back his head.

"It's okay." He said softly.

Mickey held back his tears. "The Doctor's so stressed out he's actually coughing up blood."

"If you had the weight of the universe on your shoulders wouldn't you?" Jack replied.

The Doctor's coughing started slowing down and his body finally relaxed.

Mickey helped the Doctor to his bed and sat beside him while Jack cleaned everything up.

The Doctor slowly opened his eyes and looked at Mickey.

Mickey gave him a small smile."Hi, Boss."

The Doctor just turned his head away; Mickey noticed a small trail of tears running down his face.

Mickey's heart broke for him as he watched the Doctor lying there staring at the wall.

He felt helpless and wasn't sure what else he could do for the Doctor so he decided to check on Jack.

Mickey was about to leave the Doctor's side when he felt his hand being grasped by the Doctor.

"You want me to stick around Doctor and protect you from Jack?" Mickey playfully joked.

He thought he saw the Doctor smile slightly.

Mickey sat back down and continued to hold his friend's hand.


	6. Chapter 6

Jack and Mickey walked out of the room feeling worn out and emotionally exhausted, Rose appeared from her room looking worried.

"What the hell happened in there?" She asked noticing the Doctor's blood stained shirt and jacket in Mickey's hands.

Jack sighed. "Which part, the one where we heard his nightmare or the part where he coughed up blood?"

Mickey slapped Jack in the ribs and gave him a disapproving look.

"What!" She yelled.

"It's okay he's fine now." Mickey assured her.

"Why did he cough up blood?" Rose said with anger in her voice.

"He was so stressed out he got sick." He replied.

Rose rubbed her eyes in frustration.

"So what did you mean by hearing his nightmare?" She asked.

"Apparently since the Doctor is linked to the TARDIS when he's in a half sleep the TARDIS plays back the sounds in his head, like speakers to a radio." Mickey explained.

"Great." She muttered.

Jack then noticed Rose holding something. "What's that in your hand?"

Rose sighed. "It's his sonic screwdriver."

"But you don't know how to use it." Mickey said.

She shrugged. "I know but it's become sort of like a security blanket to me."

Jack rubbed her shoulder. "Don't worry Rose we'll figure this out, I promise."

"Yeah, well we haven't gotten very far have we?" She said leaning against the console.

Jack shook his head. "Not necessarily."

"What do you mean?" Rose replied.

"When he was having his nightmare I realized his outbursts aren't towards anybody." He said.

"Then why is he so angry and violent towards us?" Mickey replied.

"The Doctor is scared, he's trying to get away." Jack said.

He explained further. "When he feels threaten he gets scared then tries to fight back to escape the threat."

"Why the self-harm?" Rose asked.

"Lots of guilt and desperation to block out any painful memories." Mickey answered.

"So now what do we do?" Rose replied.

"We need to dig deeper into his sub conscience." Jack said.

"But that will trigger more memories and nightmares." Mickey said.

"We've got to do it if we want to help him." Jack replied.

"Which means it's going to get worse." Rose said softly.

"There's no easy way to say it but more than likely yes it is." Jack said regretfully.

Rose covered her face with her hands. "I just want him back; I want my sweet, wonderful alien back." She softly wept.

The Doctor was in his room sitting on the floor by the door with his knees tucked under his chin and rocking back and forth.

Tears ran down his face as he listened to their conversation, he hated being talked about like that.

The Doctor wanted nothing more than to come out of his room and show he was better but even he wasn't that great of a liar.

He glanced at the deep scars on his wrists and shuddered.

He quietly sobbed when he thought about his Rose actually finding him in his own blood, she didn't deserve that neither did Jack and Mickey.

"I'm such a bastard sometimes." The Doctor thought bitterly.

He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, the Doctor stood and walked towards his reflection and cringed.

"I look like shit." He said.

There were slashes on his wrists, a large bruise on his forehead; he was unshaven, his eyes were red and he looked tired.

The more he stared at himself the more he hated himself.

The Doctor was angry at what he had become and the pain he was causing to everyone but knowing he was hurting Rose and causing tears to run down her beautiful face was unbearable.

The guilt and frustration were consuming his mind, he could feel it growing inside while he cried.

He began hearing Rose's sobs inside his head; it was torturous.

He groaned and covered his ears but the crying grew louder.

The Doctor couldn't block its heart breaking sound out, he had made Rose cry and it was killing him.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry." He wept.

Unable to take it anymore he began punching the mirror with his hand, glass cracking, blood streaming down between his fingers, hitting his number one enemy over and over; himself.


	7. Chapter 7

Sizzling pain surging thru his hand finally made the Doctor stop hitting the mirror.

"Damn it!" He exclaimed in agony.

The Doctor examined his hand it was badly cut up but luckily it wasn't serious.

He then heard the door open, panicking he tried to hide his hand.

"Doctor?" Rose called. She poked her head inside the room.

"Are you alright? I thought I heard something." She said walking towards him.

Rose noticed his back was turned. "Doctor?"

He sighed, he couldn't lie to her. The Doctor slowly turned around revealing his injured hand.

"Doctor what happened?" She asked.

"I don't want to talk about it." He replied ashamed.

She looked over his shoulder and saw the cracked mirror but chose not to say anything.

The Doctor went to his bed and lay on his side.

"Would you like me to bandage up your hand?" Rose said.

He nodded and she went to get some bandages.

As she bandaged his hand Rose asked. "Can you at least tell me why you did it?"

"I made you cry." He softly replied.

She shook her head. "You didn't make me cry."

He looked at her suspiciously. "Oh, then why did you cry?"

" I cried because I'm worried about you." Rose replied.

"I could take you home if you want." He said.

Rose shook her head. "Nope, you have to kick me out first because I'm not leaving you."

He smiled slightly and caressed her face with his uninjured hand.

Rose closed her eyes briefly; it had been so long since she felt his touch.

She then cleared her throat and smiled. "There we go all fixed up."

The Doctor just stared at his hand.

Rose sighed. "Jack and Mickey should be in here soon."

He rolled his eyes. "Whoopee."

Rose smiled and kissed him on the cheek before leaving the room.

Jack and Mickey saw Rose coming from his room. "Is he alright?" Jack asked noticing the medical supplies.

"I think so. I had to bandage his hand up, however." She said.

Jack sighed. "What happened?"

Glancing behind her she replied. "Judging from the cracks on the mirror I think you can draw up your own conclusions."

"Then I guess we better get started." Mickey said.

They went inside and closed the door behind them. Rose stood there leaning against the TARDIS wall and listened to her hums.

Feeling curious she pressed her ear against the door and listened. There was a lot of talking but she noticed some disturbing noises.

It sounded like death screaming and angry echoes then she heard the Doctor yelling.

Rose choked back her tears when she realized she was hearing his nightmare, her heart broke for him.

Then she heard Jack and Mickey trying to help the Doctor thru his nightmare; it was unbearable.

Rose struggled with her tears; she didn't want the Doctor to hear her crying so she went to her room and curled up under the blankets.

His nightmare was getting louder and angrier; Rose closed her eyes and tried to block it out with special memories of the Doctor.

Soon the sounds stopped and Rose was able to sleep but later in the night she heard the Doctor again.

Jack and Mickey were too tired to notice so Rose decided to check on him.

She opened the door and saw the Doctor laying there shaking and crying. Rose knelt beside his bed and tried to wake him.

"I was wrong, I wrong!" He sobbed.

"Doctor, wake up." She said but the Doctor didn't seem to hear her.

She gently tapped his shoulder; his eyes slowly opened but he was still upset.

"I did my duty; I swear I did my duty!" He cried to Rose.

Rose was near tears herself; he was so vulnerable and scared it was killing her inside.

"Doctor, please calm down or they'll restrain you again." She tearfully begged.

But it only made things worse and he panicked. "No, no please!" He begged.

Rose was not giving up on him, she started to stroke his hair to calm him down.

"Please don't let them restrain me." The Doctor wept.

I won't." Rose promised kissing his tear-stained face then for whatever reason she pulled him closer and kissed him passionately.

He responded by kissing her back and embracing her.

The kisses became more intense and desperate.

Rose pulled down her nightshirt encouraging the Doctor to kiss her neck and shoulders; she knew she shouldn't but she was hungry for his touch.

Their naked bodies became tangled in sheets; Rose tried to kiss any inch of his skin she could find.

The Doctor's fragile state was still visible by the way he held her and made love to her.

His hands nervously shook with every touch and stroke like she was made of glass.

Rose felt his tears and tasted his sweat as he kept breathing in her ear that he loved her and she told him she loved him too.

Afterwards they lay there in bed; the Doctor was holding her and was fast asleep but Rose was awake and feeling guilty.

She watched her sleeping angel and kissed him on the cheek. He opened his eyes slightly and smiled. "Hello." He said softly.

"Hello." She replied kissing his hand.

She rubbed his shoulder and said. "I'm going to go take a shower, okay?"

He nodded and fell back asleep.

Rose grabbed her robe and headed to the shower; stepping under, the warm water soothed her but it didn't wash away her guilt.

"Damn it." She muttered.

"Shit, what did I just do?" She exclaimed.

"I took advantage of the man I love." Rose realized as the water droplets blended in with her tears.

Angry at herself she hit the shower wall with her fist till her hand ached.

Rose stayed in the shower a few minutes longer before finally getting out.

Rose looked at herself in the mirror and glared at her own reflection.

Leaving the bathroom she slammed the door behind her.

She put on a new pair of pajamas and went back to the Doctor's room.

Rose stared at him as he slept.

She held back her tears and put a second blanket on him. She then cuddled up beside him and held him tight.

"I'm sorry, luv." She whispered.

**Author's Note: Hi, I know this chapter is different from the others but I wanted to add a little drama with the companions and how it effects the Doctor. **

**I promise there will be more "Tenth Doctor Whump!" but you've got to wait till the next chapter to find out what happens next. **

**Hope you like this chapter!**


	8. Chapter 8

Rose was in her room before anyone else woke up; she sat on the floor hating herself.

She had no excuse for what she did or a logical explanation.

She only knew it was wrong and it couldn't be fixed.

Rose sighed and curled up on the floor and waited.

Jack woke up later feeling uneasy.

He was positive he had heard strange noises coming from the Doctor's room.

He just hoping his worse fears were proven wrong.

When he got there clothes were everywhere some definitely not belonging to the Doctor and even with a sheet was covering him it was obvious he was naked.

Mickey walked in and saw the room in disarray.

"Whoa, someone had a wild night." He said.

"I can't believe she did this!" Jack said storming out.

Mickey followed after him. "Jack wait!"

"Mickey, not now!" He said.

"Rose!" Jack yelled searching around.

"I'm right here." She replied standing behind him.

"Rose Tyler…" He started to say.

Rose stopped him. "Before you continue your interrogation, yes I slept with him last night."

"What?" Mickey said.

"I slept with the Doctor, okay!" Rose repeated.

"But why?" Mickey asked.

She shrugged."I don't know! He was upset and vulnerable and I…"

"And what? You decided to give him your own brand of therapy?" Jack said.

"Look I already feel like shit!" She shouted.

"Do you realize what you've done?" Mickey said.

"Yes, I do and I'm really sorry!"

Jack shook his head. "You're lying."

"What!" Rose shouted.

"You just wanted your selfish needs fulfilled." Jack replied.

"That is not true!" Rose shouted.

"All that work we did with him is ruined, now." Mickey said bitterly.

"Oh and like any of it was really working." She replied sarcastically.

Jack glared at Rose. "Tell me something was it worth it? Was it worth shagging his brains out?"

Rose slapped Jack hard. "Don't you ever talk to me like that again!"

Mickey was getting worried the Doctor would hear them fighting.

"Would you two knock it off!" Mickey yelled.

But their shouting only got worse.

Suddenly the Doctor stormed out of his room and slammed Jack against the wall.

"Stop yelling at her!" He screamed.

"Doctor I was only..." Jack started to say but that only made him angrier.

The Doctor punched him in the face and stomach.

"Doctor, no!" Rose shouted stepping towards him.

But he moved away from her. "Don't touch me!"

"What?" She said confused.

He glared at her. "I hate you! I hate all of you damn liars!"

Mickey watched in horror as he punched the walls and floor.

"You're dirty fucking liars!" The Doctor said almost near tears.

Mickey looked at Jack who was still clutching his stomach.

The Doctor's behavior was getting worse.

He realized he had no choice he took the tranquilizer device shot the Doctor with it.

He finally went limp. Mickey just stared at him, choking back his tears.

He carried the Doctor back to his room and left the door open for him.

Mickey then checked on Jack. "How are you, man?"

Jack was in pain but he still chuckled. "The Doctor's got a mean right hook."

Mickey helped him stand. "Come on I'll get you something for that eye."

He scowled at Rose. "See what you did."

"I'm sorry." She said softly.

Mickey nodded. "I know and that's what makes it worse."

He continued to help Jack to the first aid room.

Rose was left their all alone and feeling ashamed.


	9. Chapter 9

"Here." Mickey said handing Jack an ice bag.

"Thanks." He said placing it on his eye.

He hissed as the ice touched his swollen eye.

Mickey leaned against the wall. "Sure you okay?"

Jack smirked. "Yeah, just remind me not to get on his bad side."

He noticed Mickey giving him a look.

Jack sighed. "Okay, what is it?"

"Don't you think you were a little harsh on Rose?" He said.

"She fucked up, Mickey." Jack said.

"Yeah but there's no law that says she can't sleep with her boyfriend." Mickey replied.

"So now you're on her side?" Jack asked.

Mickey shook his head. "I'm not on anybody's side."

"Could've fooled me." Jack said.

"Look we fucked up, too. We didn't wake up when he needed us." He pointed out.

"I guess." Jack muttered.

"I just think you need to hear Rose out." Mickey said.

Jack shrugged. "Okay, let me go find her and talk to her."

"I think she's in her room." Mickey replied.

He sighed and went to see Rose.

When Jack got to her room he could hear Rose's voice talking softly.

Jack tapped on the door. "Rose?"

He slowly walked in and was surprised to see the Doctor in her bed and Rose sitting on the floor beside the bed.

She was stroking his hand as he rested.

Jack cleared his throat to announce he was in the room.

Rose glanced behind her and rolled her eyes.

"Don't worry Jack I wasn't doing anything sexual to him." She said standing.

"I wasn't thinking that all." He said.

Rose just scoffed.

"I was just wondering how he ended up in here." Jack replied.

She shrugged. "I don't know when I came in he was lying in my bed."

Rose sat on the bed; the Doctor instantly cuddled up on her lap and she lovingly stroked the side of his face.

She smiled sadly. "It's strange a minute ago he didn't want me near him and now all he wants is to be touched."

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

Jack swallowed. "Um, Rose..." He started to say but she cut him off.

"If you're here just to yell at me again then get the hell out." She warned.

He shook his head. "No, I just needed to talk to you in the hall for a second."

"Why?" She said.

"I wanted to apologize for earlier." Jack replied.

Rose sighed and kissed the Doctor on the ear.

"I'll be back, sweetheart." She promised.

Stepping out into the hall she closed the door behind her.

"Okay." Rose said folding her arms.

"Look Rose I am sorry it's just last night might of really messed things up for him. But I should've handled it better than I did." He said.

"It did though, didn't it?" She replied softly.

"Unfortunately, yes." He said.

She lowered her eyes.

"It'll be okay, Rose." Jack said.

Rose shook her head. "No, it was wrong. I should've known better."

"It's not the end of the world." He said.

"I took advantage of him, Jack!" Rose cried.

"Rose, you know that's not true." He said.

"It is! The Doctor needed me and I-" Rose choked.

"He touched and held me like I was made of fragile glass. I could feel his fear and desperation." She sniffed.

"But you knew he was messed up so why did you sleep with him?" Jack asked.

Her voice broke as she talked. "I-I guess because he s-seemed so scared and I was trying to see if he was still in there."

Her tears started to fall. "And maybe I was selfish, I don't know but I never meant to hurt him."

"I know, Rose. I know." Jack said softly.

Inside the Doctor could hear them talking; tears ran down his face.

He tried to block out their voices but he couldn't.

"Once again I've messed up." He thought rocking back and forth.

"I hurt Jack and I made Rose cry again." The Doctor wept.

Then fear surged thru his mind.

"What if they try to restrain me again?"

The very thought of that made him terrified and he shook with fear.

"They are going to restrain me again. Those liars!" He thought bitterly.

The Doctor quickly got up and started searching the walls in desperation.

Meanwhile outside the room Jack was reassuring Rose everything would be fine.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Well I think we need to earn back his trust first then try a different approach." He said.

Rose nodded. "I guess but I need to get back in there and be with him."

"Of course." Jack replied.

She smiled slightly. "Thanks for the apology by the way."

Jack nodded. "You're welcome. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going go get another ice pack."

He was about to leave when he heard Rose shouting.

"Jack, Jack come quick!" She yelled.

He dashed into the room and saw Rose shaking.

"What is it?" He said.

Rose pointed to the empty bed.

"Oh, shit!" Jack exclaimed.

"He's gone, the Doctor's gone!" She cried.


	10. Chapter 10

The Doctor sat there shaking from fear inside the cramped dark passageway; he was tired and lonely.

He reluctantly closed his eyes and fell asleep.

When he woke up again he was standing alone in an empty bright white room.

"Where am I?" The Doctor said fearfully.

"Your trial!" Mocking voices shouted.

"What, no!" He cried.

"Murderer, Murderer!" The voices chanted.

He tried covering his ears but it only made it louder.

"Please stop, please." He whimpered spinning around looking at nothing.

"Guilty, guilty! We find you guilty, Doctor!" They loudly repeated over and over.

The voices were sounding closer and hot tears began running down his cheeks as he broke into sobs.

"GUILTY, GUILTY!" They screamed.

"Stop!" He gasped as his eyes abruptly opened.

He looked around he still was in the TARDIS's passageway; breathing heavily he laid his head against the wall and wept.

Meanwhile Jack and Rose ran into the console room and continue to search desperately for the Doctor.

"Get Mickey!" Jack ordered.

"Mickey, Mickey!" Rose shouted.

Mickey dashed in. "What is it?"

"We can't find the Doctor!" Rose said urgently.

"What!" He said.

"We've looked everywhere." Jack said.

"What the hell happened?" Mickey said.

"He was in my room and now he's gone." She panicked.

"Well he couldn't have gone far I mean we're in outer space." Mickey said.

"Just find him!" Rose shouted.

They decided to split up and look for him.

Jack checked the basement while Rose searched the library.

Mickey started looking thru the wardrobe but the amount of clothing racks made it nearly impossible.

Then Mickey remembered the Doctor telling him about how the TARDIS was full of secret passageways.

Mickey started searching the walls, listening for any signs of breathing; suddenly Mickey heard whimpering coming from behind a wall, he was sure it was the Doctor.

Mickey tapped lightly on the wall.

"Doctor? Doctor it's me Mickey."

The Doctor curled up into a tight ball.

"Doctor?" Mickey said.

"Go away!" The Doctor shouted.

"Come on Doctor, please come out?" He said.

"No!" The Doctor growled thru tears.

"Why?" Mickey asked.

"You're going to fucking' restrain me, you and Jack!" The Doctor cried.

"No, I'm not and Jack has no idea you're here." He said.

"You're going to tell him." The Doctor replied.

Mickey shook his head. "Not if you don't want me to."

"Don't, please!" He begged.

"Is that what you want?" Mickey asked.

The Doctor sat there confused and scared, he really didn't know what he wanted.

More tears fell down his face as he rocked back and forth.

"I don't know. I just hate this, I hate everything!" He sobbed.

The Doctor started banging his head and feet hard against the wall.

Mickey could hear it on the other side; he had to think quickly.

"I understand you're scared but can I ask you a question?" He said.

"What!" The Doctor snapped.

"Do you trust me?" Mickey asked.

"Huh?" He replied confused.

"Do you trust me?" Mickey repeated.

"Is this one of your damn tricks?" The Doctor asked.

"No, but if I've ever given you a reason not to trust me then stay there, I wouldn't blame you but if I haven't please come out and let us help you. I promise I won't restrain you." Mickey said.

He was so confused and scared and the growing darkness in his mind was making things worse.

Too tired to fight and too tired to care he started looking for the lever.

Mickey waited anxiously for a few minutes before he heard the wall open.

A portion of the wall slid up and the Doctor slowly stepped out.

Mickey smiled and made sure the Doctor could see his hands.

"It's okay, Doctor. See, I've got nothing in my hands." He told him.

The Doctor didn't answer he just grabbed on to him and burst into tears.

Mickey stood there and held him letting him cry as long as he wanted.


	11. Chapter 11

The Doctor tilted his head back letting the bath water sooth him and wash off the dirt from the passageway.

He closed his eyes and smiled slightly; he liked the bath, it was warm and quiet.

Mickey was standing nearby when he heard Rose approaching.

"Is he alright?" She asked.

He nodded. "Yeah just letting him get cleaned up a bit."

"Does Jack know you found him?" She said.

"Yeah, I told him." Mickey replied.

"Well, while the Doctor bathes I'll go find him so they can get started." Rose said.

Mickey grabbed her arm. "Don't do that, it's not a good idea."

"Why?" Rose replied.

"The Doctor is terrified of Jack at the moment." He said.

"What for?" Rose asked.

Mickey sighed. "The Doctor told me he's afraid Jack will tie him up again."

"So he doesn't trust Jack, now?" She said.

Mickey nodded.

"Great." She muttered as she started to leave.

"Where are you going?" Mickey said.

"We have to tell Jack." She said.

"No, we can't do that. Not yet." He said.

"But Mickey-" She started to say.

"If Jack knew it would hurt him. We'll tell him later." He said.

But Jack already knew because he was standing outside the bedroom listening.

Feeling hurt and angry he slammed his hand on the TARDIS wall and stormed off.

A few minutes later the Doctor walked out of the bathroom in his robe.

Mickey smiled. "Hey, Boss did you like your bath?"

He just nodded and sat on the bed.

"Okay, I'll go get you a suit so you can get dressed." Mickey replied.

As soon as he was gone Rose knelt in front of him.

"You okay?" She asked.

He shrugged.

"Do you really not trust Jack?" Rose said.

"He keeps restraining me. Every time he's near me he tying me down to something." He grumbled.

"I know but he doesn't mean any harm." She said.

The Doctor scoffed.

"Do you trust me?" Rose asked.

The Doctor smiled and gently caressed her face.

His touch was comforting until he tilted her chin to kiss her.

Rose cleared her throat and pulled away.

The Doctor looked at her puzzled. "What's wrong?"

"We can't Doctor, I'm sorry." She said.

"But why?" He asked.

"It's not a good idea. It could mess you up more." Rose replied.

He just nodded but Rose could tell he was hurt.

"Please try to understand." She said.

He shook his head. "Oh, I understand. I understand very well."

The Doctor stood and walked away but Rose followed him.

"Doctor, I'm sorry." She said.

"I believed everything you said that night but it was all a fucking' lie!" He shouted.

"It was the truth, I swear it!" She exclaimed.

He turned and glared at her. "I knew I could never trust you. Both you and Jack are against me, aren't you!"

His tone startled her but she refused to back down. "No, we're not! We were never against you and you know it!"

Suddenly he started hearing loud drums and bombs go off in his mind.

He crumbled to the floor and covered his ears to muffle the noise but it was loud much too loud.

His breathing was heavy and he was shaking.

"It's a lie, it's a lie, it's a lie." The Doctor mumbled.

"Doctor, what's wrong?" Rose asked.

"Get out!" He shouted.

"What?" She said.

"Get out!, Get out!, Get out!" He growled.

"No!" She yelled.

"Fine, I'll help you." He hissed.

The Doctor shoved her out and locked the door.

"Doctor, let me in!" She yelled.

The Doctor didn't say anything and started searching thru his drawers.

"Doctor what are you doing?" She said pounding on the door.

"Go away!" He yelled.

Desperate to get in she searched her pockets and pulled out a key.

She quickly opened the door and burst in the room.

Her eyes widen as she saw the razor blade in his hand.

"What the hell are you doing?" Rose exclaimed.

"Leave me alone!" The Doctor replied angrily.

"Doctor, listen to me!" She exclaimed.

"Would you please just let me die!" He cried.

"No!" She shouted.

"Have it your way, selfish ape." He said.

The Doctor pressed the blade to his wrist but Rose rushed up to him and grabbed his hand.

"Let go, damn it!" He said.

"I'm not letting you die!" Rose yelled.

They struggled over the razor till the Doctor heard Rose cry out.

He stopped and saw Rose holding her arm.

"Rose?" He said.

"I'm fine." Rose replied checking her arm.

"Rosie?" The Doctor whimpered.

"It's okay it's just a scratch." She assured him.

The Doctor went to her and looked at her arm.

He gently traced his finger along the red scratch mark.

"Rose, I'm sorry." He whimpered.

"It's alright." She said softly.

He shook his head. "No,I caused you to get hurt."

"Listen if it keeps you from hurting yourself than it's worth it." She replied.

He kissed her arm and wept.

"Please don't hate me." He said.

Rose grabbed his shoulders and said. "I don't hate you but I hate it when you hurt yourself."

He wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm sorry." He said softly.

She pulled him close and held him.

"I don't want to lose you." Rose whispered as her tears fell.


	12. Chapter 12

Jack was pacing the floor angrily when he heard Mickey coming.

Mickey saw him. "Hi, Jack how's it going?"

"Well other than the Doctor doesn't trust me not much." He replied bitterly.

Mickey cringed. "You heard."

Jack nodded. "Yeah."

"Don't take it personally, Jack. He doesn't really trust anyone right now." He said.

Jack glared at him. "You don't get it. He has never trusted me, ever."

"You haven't given him much reason to." Mickey replied.

"Thanks for the support." Jack grumbled.

"It's the truth." He said.

Jack rolled his eyes. "I don't want to talk about this."

"What the hell is your problem?" Mickey asked him.

"All I ever wanted was for him to trust me. What do I have to do to show him I've changed?" He said.

"Is that all you care about, proving something to the Doctor?" Mickey replied.

Jack shook his head. "I don't have to hear this!"

"Jack!" Mickey said trying to stop him.

"Fuck off!" Jack yelled.

"This isn't about you, Jack!" He said.

"I said fuck off!" Jack shouted.

"Jack will you listen?" Mickey said.

"What the hell do you want from me, huh?" Jack said.

"We need to figure out something else. What we're doing isn't working, it's hurting him!" Mickey yelled.

"I think it's working. He's still here isn't he?" He replied.

Mickey grabbed him. "But it's not working."

"You have a better idea?" Jack hissed.

"Yes, start thinking about someone other than yourself!" Mickey yelled.

Jack just pushed him aside and stormed off.

The Doctor was sitting up in bed sweating and rocking back and forth.

He couldn't hear what was going on but the sound of a child laughing at him had dominated his mind.

"Theta, Theta!" It mocked.

His eyes widen in fear.

The Doctor recognized the Master's voice and covered his head in fear.

"It can't be!" He yelled.

Terrified he barricaded the door and curled up in the corner of the room as tears burned his eyes.

"I hate you, Theta!" The Master's voice yelled.

"No, stop it Koschei!" He cried.

"You made me insane, Theta! You left me behind!" He heard the Master scream.

"I'm sorry!" The Doctor wept.

His tears quickly turned to terror when he the image of the Master as a child formed in the mirror.

It said nothing and stared at him with no expression but his eyes did all the accusing.

"Stop it!" The Doctor screamed and threw a chair at the mirror.

"Stop it, stop it!" He shouted.

He began clawing and punching at the walls.

"Why do you do this to me, why?" He yelled at the TARDIS.

His punches grew harder and more forceful and holes started forming and he continued to scream in anger and fear.

Jack was nearby when he heard the commotion from his room.

"Doctor?" He called.

The only response Jack heard was the Doctor yelling in Galifreyan.

Jack knew the Doctor didn't trust him so the first impulse was to get Mickey but when pieces of wall started falling down he had to do something.

He tried opening the door but a chair was blocking it; finally he started shoving it until it opened.

The Doctor was cowered over in fear; his body shaking.

"Doctor?" He said trying to approach him.

The Doctor raised his head and glared at him like a wild animal.

"Don't you dare!" The Doctor growled.

Jack swallowed. "I'm not going to restrain you. I just want to help."

The Doctor could still hear a child laughing and glanced around the room.

"Can't you hear it? Can't you hear it?" He said slightly confused.

"Hear what?" Jack said attempting to come closer.

The Doctor moved away from him.

"Leave me alone!" He shouted kicking the furniture.

"Let me help you!" Jack begged.

On impulse he grabbed the Doctor and embraced him in a hug.

The Doctor tried to pull away.

"Let me go!" The Doctor wept.

"It's okay, Doctor. You're safe I promise." He said softly.

The Doctor stopped struggling and wrapped his arms around his neck.

"Can you hear it Jack? Can you?" He whimpered.

Jack just closed his eyes and hugged him tighter.


End file.
